John rarely smiled but when he did it was a firework. Sometimes when he was sitting, reading a book, I looked at him. I caught those short moments of happiness that lit up his face, when he was reading passages that amused him. There was nothing more beautiful than seeing his grim face being broken with all the colours in the world appearing out of nowhere loud like a smile.
I don’t remember how we met. I think Jenna introduced us to each other. She knew John because he was in her basketball team or something like that. I don’t know if you have ever experienced that, but when John and I met, the first time our eyes connected, our hands touched; something happened. It was an out of space experience. We had this instant connection; it was like we were seeing into each other’s souls. Suddenly nothing else was important. When John was there, he was all I cared about. We could talk for hours, climb a mountain or travel to the end of the world together. If I hadn’t known any better, I would have said we were in love. But he was with Angela and I was with Peter. I never meant to hurt anyone, let alone John. But then we were alone in the food chamber of that old house the four of us had gone to for the weekend and before either of us knew what happened we felt skin touching skin, lips touching lips.
I asked him once: “How much money would you take from a vault filled with an infinite amount of gold, if you had the chance?”
“A dollar fifty”.
“That’s how much my usual at my bakery costs.”
I think he was the only person I knew who would say something like that and mean it and I loved him for it.
In the end, I lost them all. Jenna, John, Peter. To be honest, I didn’t care about anyone but John. I knew my attraction to him wasn’t healthy but I couldn’t help myself. It all got too intense and he left. He wrote me a letter and left. The worst part of him leaving was that above all, he had been my friend. The best one I had ever had and now he was gone.